Introducing the Latest Vodka Atrocity, NutLiquorS

They started with orange and pepper-flavored vodkas, and then they moved on to absurd flavors like cupcake. Now it's gone to its logical extreme. There is a new brand of peanut butter-flavored vodka called NutLiquor. Say it out loud. Yeah. Exactly.

Everything about this is stupid. When you open the bottle it makes the sound of twelve girls WHOO-HOO-ing in concert while ordering "signature COCK-tails" at a bachelorette party. What real live human being wants to drink this? Even Tom Hanks playing the alcoholic uncle on Family Ties would rather drink the vanilla extract before he would drink this. I've never had it (and I never will) but I can just tell it is nasty. The concept is nasty.

And what do you even make out of it? As an amateur "mixologist" (the only term more annoying than "peanut butter-flavored vodka") I tried to come up with a few possible concoctions:

  • Mixed Nuts: Disaronno and NutLiquor
  • Ball Sweat: NutLiquor and Bloody Mary Mix
  • Kick in the Nuts: NutLiquor and hot sauce
  • A Grundle: NutLiquor and soda
  • Blue Balls: Hypnotiq and NutLiquor
  • Billy Dee's Nuts: Colt 45 and NutLiquor

Got any better suggestions? Leave them in the comments.