Mitt Romney, when pressed by a New Hampshire editorial board about his *somewhat* contradictory opinions on top political issues over the last decade, had this to say: "I've been as consistent as human beings can be." Hmm. Really? He must be joking. Really? Oh, Mittens.

Mitt Romney has completely changed his positions on the abortion, health care, global warming, the Bush tax cuts, and _______ since he started running for president six years ago. So either:

  • He's lying, and for good reason! He keeps denying that he's ever changed any position, and he's remaining at or near the top of GOP polls. Lying works!
  • He's making a sad commentary about human beings' inability to be consistent.
  • He's an alien, so any self-comparison to "human beings" is what the pros would call a "dodge."

Any moment now, you guys.