Starbucks' War on Laptop Hobos Is Paying Off

For at least several months now, convenient caffeinated masturbatorium Starbucks has been quietly waging war against the laptop hobos who fill its seats all day to "work on that screenplay" (browse Craigslist sex ads) while nursing a single drink. Now, the evidence is in: busting laptop hobo riff-raff= big buck$$$!

Starbucks' earnings for the third quarter are in, and looky here:

Starbucks Corp.'s fiscal fourth-quarter profit jumped 29% as the coffee giant benefited from continued loyalty among U.S. customers and its expansion overseas.

Starbucks said its U.S. stores saw more traffic and higher bills per customer [!!!]. Overall, U.S. same-store sales rose 10% in the fiscal quarter ended Oct. 2

Extra special business performance highlighting is ours, thank you. Guess how you get more traffic circulating through your stores and people spending more than $2 per visit? By kicking out the laptop hobos, ladies and gents. Beware, laptop hobos: kicking your ass is a moneymaker. Learn to love it.

[WSJ. Photo: Daniel Lobo/ Flickr]