If you're tired of staring at all the jarfuls of brown, amputated toes cluttering up the mantel above your fake fireplace, consider shipping them off to the Sourtoe Cocktail Club: Canada's most popular drinking organizations for amputated toe-drinkers. They'd be happy to garnish their drinks with your disgusting old digits!
Donating toes probably won't get you a tax write-off, but you will feel much better knowing that your toes will be put to good use by the Club—an exclusive society founded in 1973 by a guy named Captain Dick Stevenson (you can just call him "Captain Dick"). Over the years the Club has conserved its toes by recycling them, but has gone through at least eight—including one that came from the body of an early 20th-century trapper and another from a diabetic. (It's okay: Unlike heart attacks, diabetes is not contagious.)
If you'd rather join the Club than give your toes away, here's some background:
The original rules were that the toe must be placed in a beer glass full of champagne, and that the toe must touch the drinker's lips during the consumption of the alcohol before he or she can claim to be a true Sourtoer. The rules have changed in the past twenty-seven years. The Sourtoe can be had with any drink now (even ones that aren't alcoholic), but one rule remains the same. The drinker's lips must touch the toe. " You can drink it fast, you can drink it slow— But the lips have gotta touch the toe."
Sound good? Now all you have to do is drive up to its headquarters in the Yukon, plunk down over $5 (Canadian, we presume), drink your toe drink, and sign the official "Sourtoe Log Book" to receive an official Sourtoe Cocktail Club membership certificate." Then you'll have something brand-new to hang above your fake fireplace. You can also do the modern thing and write a memoir-book about your experience, though as the Huffington Post notes, you won't be the first.