Dog evolution! Stroke surgery! Baby okapi! Computer hearts! Fast fish! Space gardens! Parkinson's treatment! Anthrax vaccine! And America loses the Red planet to the Reds! It's your Tuesday Science Watch, where we watch science—nobly!
- How did dogs evolve into our best friends, after all? Well who said that they were our "best friend?" Did Igwee tell you that? Bad, Igwee. Bad.
- Does surgery to prevent strokes actually work? You wish! Big time! Could have prevented that stroke! But no, to answer your previous question.
- Baby Okapi/ Ba-by o-kap-i/ Just o-kapi-ing alonggggg/ Hey there, baby/ Ba-by O-kap-i/ Why don't you ka-pi this songgggg? An okapi-sized barbershop quartet outfit is essential to "making this scene happen."
- What will computers ruin next? Heart attacks. The thrill is gone.
- Thanks to global warming, fish and other marine life will be forced to swim faster if they hope to survive. And?
- NASA is testing space gardens! What would you put in your space garden? Moon plants? Jupiter trees? Sun-flowers??????? I said Sun-flowers, you Pulitzer committee bastards. Are you listening to me? Most prestigious award in journalistic achievement, my ass.
- Okay people, let's hear your ideas for improving Parkinson's symptoms. Jim? Better drugs? Okay. Andy? New therapies? Great. Okay. Lucifer? What... mind control? But that's... that's... good. We all must agree, with Lucifer. He is our... friend. Can't... quite... remember....
- A panel has endorsed the testing of anthrax vaccine on children. Great, who was on this panel, Mr. and Mrs. Anthrax? Has the world gone crazy? Unless we're talking about bad kids here.
- The Cold War is over. We lost.