Biting, Groping Vampire Woman Terrorizes Convenience Store

On Monday evening, an unidentified woman allegedly walked into a Denver convenience store, groped a male customer and bit him on the neck, then allegedly bit the clerk on the neck after asking for a hug. Police consider her armed to the teeth ... with teeth!

Unlike the 500-year-old Vampire Teen of Texas, Madam GropeyFangs hasn't publicly announced herself as a vampire. (She also wears clothes.) But she probably is one, so Denver police are referring to her as the "vampire bandit" until they spot her and her big beverage (Blood in a Can) and capture her.

"We have no pattern of vampires in the area," Denver Police spokesman Sonny Jackson told News 9. "This is highly unusual, highly bizarre." Nevertheless, visitors to Denver convenience stores—particularly the Barn Store, where Monday night's attack took place, and where the alleged vampire lady frequently lurks—should put on a garlic bulb necklace upon entering. If you encounter her in the aisles you could probably grab a garlic-flavored snack food and fend her off that way, but this method hasn't been tested and might not work if the garlic flavoring is artificial. [Channel 9]