Today we learned that love is complicated. It's especially complicated if you're a gay penguin in a happy, healthy partnership and you're forced to do it with a lady penguin. Therapy for years! Or maybe Buddy and Pedro should consider their legal rights.
Dear Canadian Zoo,
We at the firm of Sfenni, Formez & Day are hereby serving you with notice that we represent the individual penguins in this matter and demand that you cease and desist this forcible mating. Our research has discovered a host of flaws with your contention that this is for the "good of the species." In fact, we contend the opposite: male penguins are better off gay. Gay male penguins have longer life spans, are on average better educated, and earn higher average lifetime incomes than their straight counterparts. Moreover, gay male penguins represent their species with flair; thus, if your real interest is in propagating this species you will demand that every male penguin partner up with another and start attending events that are too exclusive for other animals to attend. It wouldn't hurt to buy some scarves, either.
Perhaps in your simplistic religious view you ignore the wonders of modern science whereby we can clone a whole host of awesome gay penguins. So henceforth we demand that you cease and desist forcing our clients to get busy with what are likely to be very unmanicured penguin lady parts.
Oswald Cobblepot, Partner and Extremely Gay Male Penguin
Sfenni, Formez & Day
See ya in court, Toronto Zoo! Lawyer up!
[Image via Adam Foster/Flickr]