Accused pedophile and former Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky kicked off a sad attempt at a positive publicity campaign Tuesday night with an interview on NBC, accompanied by his lawyer, who impregnated a 16-year-old when he was 49. Sound P.R. strategy, Jer! Update: And oh, wow, was that interview worse than anything you could have imagined.

Here is an actual quote from the interview:

Am I sexually attracted to undersage boys? [pause] Sexually attracted? No, you know, I enjoy young people. I love to be around them. But no, I'm not sexually attracted to young boys.

Here is another actual quote:

I have horsed around with kids. I have showered after workouts. I have hugged them and I have touched their legs without intent of sexual contact.

(Don't worry! Jerry gets it! "I shouldn't have showered with those kids," he says later. Jerry: that is never not true.) Here is how Sandusky describes the now-infamous night that graduate assistant Mike McQueary walked in on Sandusky allegedly raping a 10-year-old in the shower:

We were showering, and horsing around, and he actually turned all the showers on, and was, uh, actually sliding across the floor. And we were—as I recall—possibly snapping a towel. Horseplay.

Yes, these are real things that Sandusky told Bob Costas on tonight's edition of Rock Center, Dwayne Johnson's new half-hour newsmagazine. But he's not a pedophile! "Are you a pedophile?" Bob Costas asked Sandusky. "No," Sandusky replied. So, [brushes dust off hands], that's that then! Not a pedophile.

Neither is his lawyer, by the way! No, his lawyer, who as far as we can tell is secretly working for the District Attorney, just likes 16-year-olds. The Daily's Sarah Ryley has the scoop on Sandusky's attorney, Joseph L. Amendola, and his... irregular relationship with the mother of his children:

According to documents filed with Centre County Courthouse, Amendola served as the attorney for Mary Iavasile's emancipation petition on Sept. 3, 1996, just weeks before her 17th birthday.

Around the same time, Iavasile became pregnant with Amendola's child, and gave birth before she turned 18, her mother, Janet Iavasile, told The Daily.

He was born in 1948 and was around 49 at the time.

[...]

"She met him through the school district; she was interested in the law," Janet said.

Ho-kay! According to Janet Iavasile, Amendola—who married Mary in 2003 and later separated from her—is "a very good father," which is more than we can say for Sandusky.

[The Daily, Rock Center]