Idaho State University student Ramon Bailey says he made this 20-minute video of accused White House shooter and would-be Obama assassin Oscar Ramiro Ortega-Hernandez after "randomly" meeting him at his gym in September. Among other things, it reveals Ortega-Hernandez to be the anti-beer pong, pro-marijuana Second Coming of Christ. Jesus likes to party organically.
Bailey tells Boise's KBOI News that Ortega-Hernandez recruited him to make a "commercial" to get on Oprah's teevee show and called him repeatedly until Bailey finally "gave in" to his request. "I don't want to have an affiliation that I was like really good friends with this guy cause I wasn't," Bailey says. "I was just trying to be a nice college student trying to work towards a degree in my field and just trying to better myself but obviously it backfired." Now he has to travel to Washington, D.C. to testify before a grand jury. Hopefully some production company or news show will at least take pity on him and offer him an internship (he obviously has patience).
In addition to railing against the 'pong, Ortega-Hernandez gives style props to Madonna circa 1984; claims that his deceased grandfather is his guardian angel; and talks about drugs, Zion and the Discovery Channel's Shark Week. He also says sex is "for fun," and that marijuana was created "to inspire." If we all just smoked pot and stopped drinking beer, we'd become "hungry for knowledge" and invent stuff to fill "all these empty shipping vessels." Makes sense to me.
Among the many important parts of Ortega-Hernandez's speech, here's the most important: "It's not just a coincidence that I look like Jesus. I am the modern day Jesus Christ that you all have been waiting for." Er, so, he kind of looks like Christ? But he also looks like every third male attendee of the Pitchfork Music Festival, and the guy who staffs the counter at my local vegan bake shop, and the guy who fixes my bicycle. Maybe those guys are Jesus too—but don't tell them, because they're prickish enough.
Someone who is definitely not Jesus (and who, not-so-coincidentally, is clean-shaven): President Barack Obama, whom Ortega-Hernandez has deemed the anti-Christ.