New York City mayor/bank apologist Mike Bloomberg is not our favorite politician by any means, what with his questionable media blackouts and hasty evictions and poor staffing choices. But we still don't believe he deserves to be tortured with—gasp!—a 24-hour drum circle.
Such punishment should only be reserved for the most inhumane among mankind—the brutal dictators, violent criminals, and Kardashians who harm people with their egomaniacal tendencies and treachery. Yet tomorrow at 2 PM, some Occupy Wall Street protesters will descend upon Bloomberg's mansion in New York City's Upper East Side and—if they aren't arrested and dragged the hell outta there—abuse some innocent djembes, bongos, and bystanders for a full day. The official event announcement, available on the Yes Lab's website:
Word on the street is that Bloomberg loves hippies. So now, finally, a drum circle you don't have to be high to enjoy: this Sunday at 2pm, for 24 hours, bring the love to Mayor Bloomberg's personal townhouse: 17 East 79th Street.
Tie-dye, didgeridoo, hackeysack welcome! No shirt, no shoes, no problem! And if you don't have talent, don't worry: FREE DRUM LESSONS offered! Also on offer: collaborative drumming with the police!
Even though this is a 24-hour drum circle, don't be late! The mayor loves evictions. Who knows what'll happen? But no matter how long it lasts, there'll be an afterparty and love-in in world-famous Central Park just next door.
Nobody except the kinds of people who participate in drum circles enjoy them. You might recall that it wasn't the harsh words of highly influential pundit Andrea Peyser, or homelessness, or uncontrollable pooping that nearly destroyed Occupy Wall Street—it was a drum circle. Because drum circles are pure evil. Tonight we will pray that someone brings the mayor a set of Golden Earplugs to spare him the arrhythmic consequences of this condemnable and horrifying attack.