We Can't Hardly Afford Meat No MoreS

Some variety of factory-farmed meat product: it's "what's for dinner"—for the wealthy! Americans, who, on the whole, are not wealthy, are eating less meat these days, due to both high prices and the fact that edible meat products are hard to come by while dumpster diving. Big Meat companies are posting their earnings this week, and it's not looking good, according to the WSJ. They're being squeezed on all sides, like a pig in a crate.

Profit margins at Hormel are expected to face pressure from higher feed costs in the company's Jennie-O turkey business, as well as higher costs to produce ham, bacon and items such as cheese-and-pepperoni party trays.

What will America have for Thanksgiving, now that we can no longer afford our traditional Thanksgiving cheese-and-pepperoni party trays? We will be eating Domino's™ Gourmet Cheesy Bread, featuring both cheese and bacon—plus bread!—at an affordable price point. But is it artisan? Sure, why not?

Or you could, of course, take the liberal welfare queen route and enjoy a totally free and, yes, organic Thanksgiving dinner, simply by being homeless. Sure, enjoy your organic vegetable handouts, freeloaders. Real Americans will be enjoying all the cheese and pepperoni we can eat—paid for with hard work. And unemployment checks.

[Photo: Hormel]