Mitt Romney Is Impure, Going to Mormon HellS

Mitt Romney is a good Mormon, a model member really, who does not drink alcohol or coffee or smoke tobacco. Sorry, let me fix that: Mitt Romney was a good Mormon, or at least considerd such, until today. He's come clean and admitted that he has, in fact, imbibed death juice and — dare we say it? — puffed a death puffer. Another flip-flop, and one that could land him an eternity on whatever distant sulfuric planet it is (Delaware?) that they keep Mormon Hell on these days.

The shocking scoop, from the new People:

PEOPLE: Have you ever had a beer?

Romney: Never had drinks or tobacco. It's a religious thing. I tasted a beer and tried a cigarette once, as a wayward teenager, and never did it again.

The church may forgive him for this so-called "taste" and "try" of a beer and a cigarette, respectively.

But will the American people?

[Image via AP]