The Only People Winning Powerball Are Sneaky and Rich

Turns out that the trio of rich asset managers might not actually be the winners of the $254 million Powerball. A different and richer anonymous client of the bankers is the real winner here. And it makes sense: those pinched and constipated faces are not the faces of lottery winners.

According to Tom Gladstone, a friend of one of the supposed winners, the mystery miser had Tim Davidson, Brandon Lacoff, and Greg Skidmore set up a trust so that he could get to the money without ever leaving his home in a vault in Gringotts, nearly buried under goblets and baubles and piles of doubloons.

Tim, Brandon, and Greg, who you can find wearing matching Christmas sweaters and cheating on their wives (not really!) in guest rooms at every Connecticut Christmas holiday party, announced that they planned to donate a significant portion of the winnings to charity. Which is a lovely sentiment and a very nice and easy thing to say, especially if none of that money is yours. Apparently, the money will remain in the trust where the real winner will bathe in the money for all eternity. No one else gets a cent.

So here's to a shitty ending to a shitty story about a bunch of shitty people winning money we all feel should have been ours ours. Merry Christmas, everyone!

[Image via AP]