Freak Tofu Explosion Terrorizes Portland

A female resident of Portland, Oregon was at home cooking tofu when, suddenly and without warning, her kitchen exploded. The woman said she was rinsing her tofu pan in the sink when a mysterious force—she isn't sure what—burned her hand and knocked a six-foot window out of her home and onto the street.

After ruling out natural gas as a cause, the local fire department says it's "baffled" and seeking help from outside investigators. Portland Fire & Rescue spokesman Paul Corah muses,

Could steam have put that much pressure on a window? Everyone from the chief on is puzzled. The fire investigator can't figure it out. I've been here 30 years and never heard of such a thing. We're all dumfounded. Investigators are making calls today to see if other investigators have heard of something like this.

Probably just God reminding us that he made humankind carnivorous for a reason. "But the fearful, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and those who dine on annoying soy food products, shall be cast into the lake of fire and brimstone." Little known fact: In Biblical times, "sodomy" actually referred to tofurkey sandwiches. [The Oregonian, images via FerGregory/Shutterstock and FotoosVanRobin's Flickr]