Comment of the Day: An Explanation of the Inside Jobs

Today we learned a thing or two about the big shots on Wall Street and the big shot secrets they tote around with them. For the vast majority of us—some percentage I can't quite put my 99 fingers on—Wall Street is a big ol' bubbling vat of green mysteries. One commenter gives us a pretty good look inside the life of a Dub-Streeter (and you're welcome because that is a label that will certainly catch and spread like wild fire).

From oh_my_jesus:

I'm gonna say it because clearly either no one else knows or thinks it's worth airing.

I worked on Wall Street for years. And there is nothing sexier to a trader, salesperson or even a grunt in operations than telling their buddies a hot tip and being right about it.

Wall Street RUNS ON RUMOR. Every single Bloomberg IM, email, or AIM message (yes, the traders and inter-dealer brokers all run on AIM) is sniffing out the market and passing on tips.

Many of the rumors that appear in the inboxes of traders and clients turn out to be factual. Just like Gawker's tagline. There's a reason the saying on Wall St goes: "buy the rumor, sell the fact."

There's even a term for this, that salespeople use: "color." When news breaks, and someone in sales wants to butter up a client of theirs, they call everyone they know to find a bit of inside info that others don't know about the news, and dole it out to their biggest bulge-bracket clients as favors. In return, the client sends their order flow to that salesperson.

The more "color" you provide a client, the more loyal they'll be. And the bigger bonus for you.

But these guys, once they hit a certain pay grade, it's not even about the money anymore. What matters at that level is prestige. And the person with the most secret information, the best tip, is king. They get off on it. They crave it. They recap the dealings of the day with the same cocktail of claws and glee that we see here on a Brian Moylan Real Housewives recap.

Imagine Perez Hilton. Subtract twenty pounds. Make him white, and throw in an MBA. Replace the obsession with celebrities with the dealings of hedge funds, and their rival big banks. That's Wall Street. They cream themselves harder over inside info than Perez does over a leaked Madonna track. And it happens every fucking day.

I know we're all jokes jokes jokes over here, but that was surprisingly insightful and informative and learning new things isn't always fun but it is good for us, like taking medicine or hiking.

[Image via Shutterstock]