Daniel Craig ridicules Kourtney Kardashian's placenta. Kellan Lutz gives himself a "Hitler Youth" hairdo. Ali Lohan wonders whether Dina will let her get plastic surgery. Ashton Kutcher hangs out with a cow. Wednesday gossip is full of hate.
- How shall we celebrate the announcement of Kourtney Kardashian's second pregnancy? How about with an anti-Kardashian rant from Daniel Craig:
I think there's a lot to be said for keeping your own counsel. It's not about being afraid to be public with your emotions or about who you are and what you stand for. But if you sell it off it's gone. You can't buy it back—you can't buy your privacy back. Ooh I want to be alone. Fuck you. We've been in your living room. We were at your birth. You filmed it for us and showed us the placenta and now you want some privacy?
Look at the Kardashians, they're worth millions. I don't think they were that badly off to begin with but now look at them. You see that and you think 'what, you mean all I have to do is behave like a fucking idiot on television and then you'll pay me millions.' I'm not judging it—well, I am obviously.
As an experienced Kardashian ranter, I give this rant a B+. Points for passion and that unrepentant bitchiness, but I can't give this a perfect score because it's based on a fundamentally flawed assumption. Kardashians don't experience shame, Daniel. [DailyMail, images via Getty]
- Ali Lohan on her plastic surgery rumors: "I'm 17 years old. That's not legal! I would need my mother's signature, and do you think my mom would sign off on that?" Oh, Ali. Don't ask that question. [P6]
- Wait, so if Beyonce was six months pregnant on September 23, then she is eight months pregnant now? And having the baby in earl January? Hmm. [Celebitchy]
Ashton Kutcher tweeted a picture of himself with a cow. Finally moo-ving on from Demi. Udderly ready to start anew. Working dairy hard to be the bigger man-ure. [@APlusK]
- Alec Baldwin's town car got boxed in by a bunch of "idling limos," prompting him to utter "profanities" and a bystander to holler, "This is a Baldwin! Not even Stephen. This is Alec!!" Story of his life. [P6]
- Kirsten Dunst on spray tans: "You lose like five pounds immediately." They actually lace the spray with phentermine. [Lucky]
Scarlett Johansson couldn't make it to her Cosmopolitan cover shoot, so they glued her face onto a random club girl's body and festooned it with MILF hair. Sidenote: Women have "above your waist" G-spots? Is that a dumb metaphor about the sexiness of the mind, or do we have alternate vaginas folded into our armpits or something? [Celebitchy]
- Usher's custody battle is getting ugly and drug-accuse-y. [P6]
- Marie Osmond has "undergone a startling transformation," as a result either of plastic surgery or being possessed by one of her creepy dolls. [Radar]
Occupy Wall Street organizer and possible Harry Potter character Priscilla Grim, upon seeing Miley Cyrus' pro-OWS music video: "I double dog dare [her] to fight on the front lines of economic civil rights at LA City Hall. Revolutionaries occupy, Ms. Cyrus." Eh, too much work. Can't she just send a sext or something? [TMZ]
- What will Anne Hathaway's wedding be like? Maybe the bridesmaids and groomsmen will be co-ed. Maybe she will wear Prada. Maybe Adam Shulman will dissolve into a cloud of glitter the minute he kisses her, as is customary for Normals who marry Famouses. [P6]
Kellan Lutz shaved his head last night, and paused long enough to tweet a Hitler Youth hairdo picture. "Movember equals MoHawk months right, or was it Mustache?" Don't let it trouble your pretty little fascist head, Kellan. [@KellanLutz]