John Carter: A Hunky Earthling Takes Over MarsS

The only thing I like more than a special effects-heavy sci-fi action movie set is a special effects-heavy sci-fi action movie where the male protagonists don't wear shirts. Behold John Carter, where stunningly topless Taylor Kitsch fights crazy creatures, little green men, and the hordes of women (and gays) that will be lusting after him once it comes out.

Pecs and abs aside, this actually looks good. It might be a piece of shit, but visually it looks really good. Check out the Martians and the space ships and the crazy white ape thing with nine arms and bad breath (you can just tell). And, who knows, the story might not be total crap. It's based on an Edgar Rice Burroughs novel and, if you really can't wait to find out what it's about, Marvel is doing a serialized comic version of it right now that I have been enjoying over the past few months (nerd alert!), so all signs point to yes. Actually, that is just something in my pants and it is pointing slightly to the left, but it is a sign and it says yes.

Here's a special bonus trailer for crazy indie movie Wrong that will compete at Sundance. It's about a guy who lost his dog and goes on a journey to get him back. I think. I actually don't know. It will surely be "quirky" in that way that indie directors favor that they think makes them original but just makes them kind of weird and not as original as they think. Still the trailer is fun and inventive, so if director Quentin Dupieux (which is how you say "dookie" in French) can play around with the conventions of the coming soon reel, then he might actually deliver a really solid movie.