Horny Teens Become Depressed Adults, According to Hamster Study

Something to know about teenagers is that they are just constantly, persistently, relentlessly always trying to do it. You know, it. Yes, sex "it." I would imagine that high school teachers spend the bulk of their day trying to stop horny youngsters from mashing their gross little body parts into each other. And according to a new study, this early sex-having behavior makes for some pretty depressed and dysfunctional adults.

Results from the study, which used adolescent hamsters (read: a gang of scientists watched some baby hamsters bone), demonstrated that sex during those formative adolescent years has significant consequences on the brain:

Specifically, the animals that mated earlier in life had higher levels of depressive behaviors, changes to the brain and smaller reproductive tissues compared to those that had intercourse later or not at all.

It's like that movie, Riding in Cars with Hamsters: if you have sex too young and too soon, you will either get pregnant or become depressed. You should form an immediate suicide pact with your pet rodent and draw the shades on your wasted, ruined lives. It's science, after all, and you can't argue with science.

[Image via Shutterstock]