It's time for your daily dose of news about the important debates taking place in the World's Greatest Deliberative Body, the United States Senate. What critical public policy issues are its senior statesmen debating in good faith today? Who knows! Sens. John McCain and Chuck Schumer are pretending to fight over a Long Island joke, though. That's something, ain't it?
They actually were debating a serious issue yesterday, regarding military detention policy. John McCain brought up an old case about Long Island, and couldn't resist making one of his patented elderly jokes:
In a debate Wednesday over a controversial defense bill that would let the military detain Americans indefinitely, McCain pointed to an old case of German soldiers who were captured on Long Island as proof that the Supreme Court has addressed the issue. The case had been cited by Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor in a more recent terrorism decision.
"Isn't it true that Justice O'Connor was specifically referring to a case for a person captured on Long Island?" McCain asked Sen. Dick Durbin (D-Ill.). "Last I checked, Long Island was part — albeit sometimes regrettably — part of the United States of America."
The old rust bucket just can't stop himself from cracking wise during the most bleak of policy discussions. But are any of you Long Islanders offended? It does not seem very offensive. Long Island can take it. Let's test this: Long Island is full of assholes, I say, just one asshole after another! Now: Can someone who's near Long Island go check to see if it fell in the ocean after I insulted it? It didn't? See, Long Island can take a joke.
Chuck Schumer, on the other hand...
That did not sit well with New York's Democratic Sen. Chuck Schumer, who quickly tweeted: "All of America saw how heroic Long Islanders were on 9/11. #LongIsland deserves an apology."
Oh please do go to hell, Chuck Schumer. Why are you forcing me to take John McCain's side here? Please put 9/11 back in the box where you found it.
[Image via AP]