Dallas: Never as Good as the First TimeS

Because everything old is new again, TNT is bringing back Dallas this summer. You remember Dallas, the show your mom watched the night you were conceived, you young whipper snapper. Get ready for round two.

Based on the trailer below, this is actually a decent idea for an update. The heirs of the Ewing oil fortune, Christopher and John Ross, are family members at odds, just like their fathers Bobby and J.R. were back in the day. Oh, and Bobby and J.R. are on the show too. As is Sue Ellen, J.R.'s boozy wife (welcome back, Linda Grey!). It seems like a logical extension of the old show, like the whole thing is one long epic.

But this doesn't have the flash and glitz of the original. Back in the '80s, Dallas was all about big hair, bigger shoulder pads, excess wealth, and the corporate scheming of a pair of brothers. It was campy and soapy and great. This looks too earnest for its own good. Also, Jesse Metcalfe's eyebrows would soak up all the oil and he would just ruin life for everyone, even preternaturally gorgeous Jordana Brewster. Yes, be prepared to be disappointed, but you know I'm going to be watching.