"What's it like to have sex with Herman Cain?" is one of the key unanswered questions of the 2012 presidential race. And now, thanks to former mistress Ginger White, we have an idea: Sex with Herman Cain is boring. And a little bit emotionally weird.
White talked to The Daily Beast's Leslie Bennetts about her on-and-off affair with Cain, and the result is an long account of sex, debt, power and gender politics—the message of the story being that White and Cain's relationship was basically transactional in nature. And, as you might guess, Cain wasn't particularly concerned with White's pleasure:
I think every time he had sex with me, he was getting a lot more than I was getting." [...] White said that over the years, her arrangement with Cain took an emotional toll. "One time we were having sex, and I was looking up at the ceiling, thinking about, ‘What am I going to buy at the grocery store tomorrow? What am I going to do with my kids tomorrow?'" she recalled. "One time after we had sex, I cried. He said, ‘Maybe we shouldn't do this for a while.' So maybe he did have a heart-or half a heart. But I knew I needed his financial help."
Wow! Between naked Herman Cain, grocery store list-making, and post-sex crying, it's hard to think of a steamier sex scene than this. But don't worry, Republicans—if you're disappointed that Herman Cain is no longer running, we feel pretty sure that Newt Gingrich offers you a lot of the same erotic possibilities. Just imagine those little sausage fingers touching your face as you think about what you're going to do with your kids!