The Cast for Jersey Shore Shark Attack Is Totally Awesome

Spelling-challenged cable network Syfy has announced the cast of their latest schlocktastic made-for-television movie, Jersey Shore Shark Attack. No matter how you feel about Jersey Shore you're going to love this.

Not only is JS housemate Vinny Guadagnino attached, but so are fellow Italian-Americans Paul Sorvino (Law & Order and creator of Oscar scourage Mira), Joey Fatone (Justin Timberlake also ran and star dancer), Tony Sirico (Paulie Walnuts from The Sopranos), and Jack Scalia (your mother's favorite shows Dallas and Remington Steele). Wow, that is just...campy. This is the network that put Deborah Gibson and Tiffany in the same movie (why when I picture grown up Tiffany does she lives in a house that has piles of laundry needing to be ironed everywhere?) so this isn't even that bad.

The story is about mutant sharks that are killing guidos on the Jersey Shore and the old timers (Sorvino, Scalia, et al) who have to save the beach from them. If you love the show then you'll be happy to see some guidos. If you hate it, you'll be happy to see them die. It's like Snooki having her pickle and eating it too. I don't know, this sounds like there are going to be some negative stereotypes involved. Someone call the Aquatic-American League right now. It's not cool to depict sharks as cartoonishly carnivorous creatures!

[Image via Getty]