Red alert in the War on Christmas: An elementary school in Stockton, California has banned poinsettias. Also, worshiping Santa Claus, and other holiday deities. The only appropriate response to this is that of Fox & Friends host Brian Kilmeade: "Who doesn't pray to Santa Claus?"

But the true star of today's edition of Fox News' illiterate dementia variety hour is host and former Rhodes scholar Gretchen Carlson, who officially Snaps. "This gets me so upset!" she vents. "I have a feeling that I might have to leave for these future discussions." Yes, this is where Gretchen draws the line. A nuclear bomb could go off in a major foreign city and she would smile, wink, make a silly face, and say, "Whoda thunk it!?" or what have you; but when one elementary school in California instructs teachers to keep religious plants out of the classroom, it's walk-out time.

"No but here's the thing," she continues, in a near-shout, "Are we more concerned in schools about our kids actually getting an education?" We! You're the one who's more concerned about having poinsettias and Santy Claus in the classroom, Gretchen Carlson! And now the controversy is bringing all of this distracting media attention, she says, and school administrators are busy giving interviews, and "shouldn't they be in the schools actually teaching our kids?" I'm sure they'd much rather be doing that, yes, but Fox News won't stop bothering them. "And who gives a rip about whether or not a white or a red poinsettia for that mattter is in the school? It doesn't have Jesus on it! Get over it!"

What can you say? She likes poinsettias.