Comment of the Day: Stock Interns Need Not Apply

Today you all learned that we here at Gawker are looking for a trio of slaves to spend their days with us in terrible, seemingly endless servitude. Who among you is up for such a task? According to one commenter, we should immediately disqualify the eight Horsemen of the Apocalypse you see pictured below.

From AssembledWrong:

Why the Stock Photo Interns Would Be Terrible, In Order

1: Spends too much time at the morgue. Can never focus on deadlines.
2: A snarky bitch, but vaguely German, so it's menacing snark and that's a little no fun.
3: Addicted to cocaine, can't afford decent hairstyle.
4: Facial expressions cause Moylan to question if he smells, chaos ensues.
5: Thick neck, probably played college ball. Please apply at Deadspin. Duties include sorting funbag letters as they come in through the week, writing thank you cards to those featured.
6: Is that a lazy eye? Honey. Glasses. You'll need them to read the site.
7: Former n+1 intern. Won't stop talking about Keith Gessen, causing HamNo to gouge his eyes out with knives forged from the pages of the Middlebrow Edition of All the Sad Young Literary Men.
8: Chet Haze. Like Jill Zarin, will temporarily work for free, but will feel too important to go get lunch. Everyone starves to death.

Comment of the Day: Stock Interns Need Not Apply

Thanks, AssembledWrong! That's eight less resumes for my overburdened inbox.

[Images via Shutterstock]