A bankruptcy attorney recently filed a 75-page brief with the Connecticut statewide grievance committee arguing that laws limiting relationships between lawyers and their clients are "unconstitutional." Not only that, lawyers tend to work harder for clients whom they date. Makes sense!
Lawyers are busy people working high-pressure jobs with demanding clients constantly fighting for their attention. What better way to stand out among pack than by offering the special gifts of sex and companionship? Not only will you increase the odds that your lawyer returns your phone calls in a more prompt-than-usual fashion, but you can also discuss the intricacies of your legal issues over dinners, breakfasts, and—if your lawyer is high-powered and wealthy enough—international flights. If your lawyer charges by the hour, then think of the potential savings.
Some other reasons why you should try to become romantically involved with your lawyer:
- Free legal pads and highlighters
- The opportunity to practice and enhance your debating skills with your partner
- Access to Lexis-Nexis, subscription-only legal bulletins, and other information sources
- Listening to your lover recall fond law school memories enables you to vicariously live through them
- You get to attend fascinating legal seminars, dinners, and networking events as his/her date
- With one lawyer in the house, you can avoid having to go to law school yourself
- The money
Zenas Zelotes, the lawyer who filed the pro-romance brief, tells the Norwich Bulletin that he has represented his fiancee for the past five years, which suggests that he has expertise in this matter. "There are fundamental constitutional ramifications here," he says. "This is the type of fight I live for." Sounds pretty dedicated.