Today the gambling website OnlineGamblingPal.com dropped $10,871 for a sample of entombed pop star Michael Jackson's old hair. Why so much? Because that's the going market rate for the amount of Michael Jackson hair you see in the photo. Also, they saw the hairball's potential—as a roulette ball.
Turning Michael Jackson's old hair into a ball that will roll around on a table, winning and losing people money, is "an appropriately unique way to immortalize a small part of a truly peerless entertainer," states OnlineEtCetera's website. "The ball itself will be made to the highest professional standards [Thank heavens! After Subpar roulette balls will ruin your gambling experience—Ed.], ensuring it will be eligible for use at any licensed casino's roulette table. Indeed, considering Jackson dedicated his life to entertaining millions, the prospect of this very special ball captivating crowds at roulette tables seems like a fitting use for it." You know how hundreds of years ago Catholic people extracted bone fragments from old saints' bodies, cut them into little shapes, inserted them into fancy golden crosses or stuck them on pillow-shaped objects, and turned them into spooky relics? This is just like that.
If you had been lucky enough to win the Michael Jackson hair auction, what would you have done with your prize? Would you have:
- Baked it into a pie and served the pie to your nemesis?
- Encased it in acrylic and worn it around your neck?
- Made a Michael Jackson wig for your hamster?
- Left it in your shower and pretended like Michael Jackson had showered there?
"[D]espite fierce competition – not to mention a late night/morning – we persevered," OnlineEtCetera's website states. "And this perseverance was duly rewarded, after we emerged from the frantic bidding war successful." Your goals might be finishing your MBA or running that marathon; their goal was to win a hairball. Don't judge.