New York City's great, except for one thing: There's no easy way to know exactly what establishments Gwyneth Paltrow patronizes when she takes human form and roams among us. Thankfully, her luxury lifestyle guide Goop just came out with an iPhone app.
I played around with the $3.99 Goop app today. It's a city guide cast in tones as smooth as Gwyneth's skin, with blurbs written in a prose style so precious it almost seems like Gwyneth herself is whispering recommendations softly into your ear, gently guiding you to human bliss; a bright, brilliant room in a bright, big house on the Maine coast, her hair shining gold in the light glinting off distant waves…
Sorry! Got distracted for a second.
There's a little video that shows Gwenyth Paltrow visiting all her favorite places in New York, and spending approximately $20,000 in a matter of hours. There's also a video featuring the favorite places of her personal driver, Rudy, to show how Gwenyth can also relate to poor people.
A handy map shows all nearby Goop-recommended locations as you traipse around the city buoyed by your 7 am kelp smoothie, in case you need an emergency gluten-free baked good for your kid, whom you have inexplicably named after an everyday object, like Table. Using location-based apps like this in New York can be dangerous, as they distract you from walking. But if you fall off a curb while looking at your Goop app, we imagine a rich handsome man will come to your rescue, ask you to dinner at Goop-approved Balthazar, and you'll end up getting married and going on a honeymoon where you swim naked with dolphins.
My personal favorite feature of the Goop app is the "Favourites" feature. (So British!) This allows you to easily save your favourite (sic) things from the Goop app, like The Breathing Project yoga studio, so you can have your manservant carry you over there on a litter made of swan feathers at your own leisure.
Bottom-line: The Goop app is the best city guide for anyone with infinite time and money.