Iowan Simpletons Successfully Trolled

Those of you who are from or who currently live in one of America's more backwards states (Southern states, Southwestern states, all middle American states, or any part of any state on either coast outside of a major metropolitan area) know that there are few pleasures easier or more satisfying than making fun of America's more backward states. I mean, you don't have to be some great wit. A half-dumb child could easily offend a resident of, say, Georgia. And could probably do so more easily than a more eloquent critic, given the state's average reading comprehension.

Stephen Bloom, a professor at the University of Iowa, wrote a story in The Atlantic about Iowa this week. You can read the whole thing here, or you can read this summary of ours: Iowans are stupid moron hicks. Oh yeah? Well, Stephen Bloom is a pussy! The Des Moines Register reports:

Backlash became so intense by Tuesday afternoon that Bloom, 60, said that for the first time in his career he was worried for his family's safety, was frightened by the "raging bonfire" of dissent. Bloom, 60, for nearly two decades has taught at the University of Iowa in Iowa City. The New Jersey native is spending this year as a visiting journalism professor at the University of Michigan.

Yeah, way to be living outside the state when you massively troll its humorless residents. I mean that. Smart move. You don't want to put yourself in a situation where you can actually get beat up. You know how Iowans are. Quick to snap. Unpredictable. Animalistic. Christ, they'd tear a man to pieces and eat him just for stepping on the tail of one of the panting mutts that occupy most of their trailer park recreation areas. No telling what they'd do to you, Bloom. They're damn near as bad as Floridians, in terms of the emotional disabilities most of them have due to their mothers giving them illegal drugs at such a young age.

Of course, the fact that the governor of Iowa is giving angry quotes about this story means it's true.

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