'Suri Cruise's $130,000 Christmas Wish List' Is Glorious

Are there any more promising words in gossip journalism than "In Touch Weekly got a hold of"? At the bottom of the tabloid pecking order, the primary documents In Touch "gets a hold of" tend to be spectacularly bad. But baby, In Touch will work what it's got, and for that I salute it. Their latest exclusive (as summarized by a Hollyscoop video) is about world's youngest sulking starlet Suri Cruise:

Suri Cruise unveils her $130,000 Christmas wish list! Suri Cruise is no regular kid. The offspring of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes has more toys and gadgets than most of us will see in our lives! And you can bet that Christmastime is the most awesome time of the year for her! In Touch Weekly got a hold of Suri's Christmas list, and all the things she asked for equalled $130,000. And of course, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes want to buy it all for her.

Ooh, those dastardly paparazzi! They've got mall Santas everywhere in their pocket, getting rich on the black market of Christmas wish lists. Bidding on Suri Cruise's wish list started at a cool three cookies, before skyrocketing to several hundred sticks of frankincense. They say the elf who nabbed the list bought an eight-bedroom gingerbread house with the profits.

For the record, Suri's purported wish list includes a pony, diamond earrings, and "a gown that will make her look like a fairy princess." She will get all of these things, In Touch Weekly reports, because she's Suri Cruise and her life is already more glamorous than yours. [InTouch via Starpulse, Hollyscoop, image via Pacific Coast News]