Pudding-Dispensing Robot Programmed to Threaten Children

You know, if there's one thing America could use fewer of right now, it's human beings performing services in exchange for money. What are those called again? Oh right, jobs. Too many jobs! Let's eliminate positions! Like pudding sample dispensation technician, for example. How long have we been pressed under the thumb of those lazy, unionized, pudding-covered thugs? Too long. Luckily, Jell-O has finally done something about it. They have funneled thousands of man hours and countless millions in research dollars into the world's first Jell-O Temptations Sampling Machine, a marvel of technical innovation that squirts out a blob of pudding every time you approach it. But what if a child approaches it? What then? Might the Sampling Machine offer the child some delicious pudding? No! Of course not! That would be completely counterintuitive to the needs of Jell-O's dessert-squirting Frankenstein. From Gothamist:

"Showcasing the future of how consumers could interact with products and sample more easily, if the machine detects a child, it will shut down, asking the child to step away from the machine," announces the press release.

It's nothing less than Asimov's unspoken Fourth Law of Robotics in action: A robot may not injure a human being, a robot must obey human orders, a robot must protect its own existence, and a robot must shout threatening commands at children until they are reduced to tears because they have been denied pudding. It's totally a thing. Look it up.