Good Football Teams Cause Dumb Male Students, Which Seems Fair

Like us, you've probably always assumed that schools with really good football teams are also full of stupid meatheads simply because stupid meatheads like football, and therefore go to those schools. That's not quite right; good football teams actually make students worse. Guy students. Cause guys like the football!

SCIENCE HYPOTHESIS: When you are a guy and you go to a college and the college has a good football team and all the guys go to the football game and the football team wins the game it makes you excited, as a guy, and guys go out and drink a lot of beers instead of studying for the big test or whatever. Meanwhile girls are like "Ugh, boys and football!" rolling their eyes so much, so, so much. Then they study. Science has proven this! A new study shows that as football team wins go up, grade point averages go down—for guys! Inside Higher Ed reports:

Their basic analysis shows that "a 25 percent increase in the football team's winning percentage (or three additional wins) leads males to earn GPAs as if their SAT scores were 27 points lower." Additional analyses (seeking to control for grade inflation, number of credits taken, and other factors) show varying degrees of diminished academic performance by men, but in all cases male students saw their grades dip in relation to female students there as the football team won more.

"Three extra wins in a season increases the gender gap [in student grades] by about 8 percent," Lindo said in an interview.

Also there's remembering all those chants about the opposing QB. That takes up brain space. "EJ Manuel/ Your girl needs a manual/ To find your tiny banana inside your Garanimals." The good thing is you can use those chanting skills in the real world. You can't say that about, say, "English Lit."

Football, guys! Guys like it!

[Inside Higher Ed. Photo: Steve Burns/ Flickr]