Did Kim Jong-il Really Die on a Train?

Kim Jong-il died on a train Saturday morning… or did he? The Kim Jong-il conspiracy theories are starting to flow. There's nothing so far about Kim getting plastic surgery and joining a Ukrainian pro hockey team, but give it time.

South Korean officials are casting doubt on the official DPRK story that the Great Leader died on a train during an official inspection. South Korea's top spy, Won Sei-hoon, said that the train was parked in Pyongyang at the time Kim supposedly died on it. "There were no signs the train ever moved," Won said according to the LA Times. Dun dun duuuuuuun.

This has led the South Korean newspaper Chosun to speculate that Kim actually died at home. Evidence includes:

  • It was very cold that morning, so doctors wouldn't have allowed Kim, who had a heart condition and other ailments, to go outside and board the train.
  • "Kim is famous for his nocturnal lifestyle and normally gets up around noon."
  • The myth of the hard-working leader would be best boosted by the idea that he died while on his way to a inspection, instead of snoozing on his bed until noon like a college junior.
  • Given that North Korea hasn't been totally upfront about the whole "repeated severe famine" thing, or the "sinking South Korea's warship" thing, we wouldn't put it past them to fabricate a few trivial details about Kim's death. And while we're talking about facts, what's with North Korea announcing 5 million Pyongyangites mourned Kim Jong-il yesterday when the entire population of the city is just 3.2 million?

    Is Kim Jong-Il at this very moment taking underwater basket-weaving classes with Osama bin Laden in the hidden city of Atlantis? The world may never know.

    [Image via Getty]