Today we learned about a gravity-defying, rack-baring swim suit brought to you by the Titstress herself, JWoww. Just in time for the holidays, one commenter shared with us the actual transcript (see also: not the actual transcript) from Stick2U bikini infomercial.
Krystal: "I want to walk around naked at Spring Break and the annual Sorority Pole Dance Breast Cancer Fundraiser but State law and super judge-y prudes don't like it!
What can I do?!"
JWoww:"No probs, girlfriend! I got you covered....or rather, uncovered, with my new Stick On Bikinis.
Krystal:"Stick On Bikinis? Tell me more!"
JWoww: "Like all empowered young ladies of today, you want to have it all. A way to show off your banging bikini bod while not allowing haters to throw you shade. That where the Stick On Bikini comes in. You just peel, apply, air dry, and walk around in pride knowing you're getting all the attention that you deserve."
Krystal: "Wow! How can this be?!"
JWoww: "Using patented gluestick technology, I've created the ultimate shrinky dinky bikini. It stays dry even in the wettest situations ...*giggle* "wettest"."
Krystal: "But what if I meet my Romeo? Or just some guy name Ramón?"
JWoww: "Calmaté, senorita! Your new friend will discover that Stick On Bikini is easily removed. Just take 5 shots of Cuervo and and a half hour in the Jacuzzi. And it slides right off."
Krystal: *modeling a Stick On Bikini* "Thanks, JWoww! Hey, look!There's another hottie in a Stick On Bikini!
JWoww: "Well, you know what that means, girlfriend"
Krystal/JWoww: "Stick On Bikini Girl Kissing!!!"
May your holidays see a lack of breast coverage and sticky tape residue!
[Image via Getty]