A Tour of Manhattan's New Embarrassing Gay HotelS

You all knew that a gay hotel was coming to Manhattan and now we get a first glimpse of what the The Out NYC is going to look like. It looks, well, gay. Like gayer than plucked eyebrows on an underwear model.

That's the thing about this Out NYC hotel. It's like your gay friend from Pittsburgh coming to visit and he wants to go to Splash and shop on Eight Avenue and have brunch at Cafeteria and, god, it's just so damn cheesey. The gay hotel in New York is an utter embarrassment to those of us that live here. I mean, it's called "The Out NYC." What, are they going to have rainbow flag room keys? Also, have you ever heard anyone who lives in New York refer to it as "NYC?" There's a reason.

Just look at this place! The website went live today. It's all slick and modern in that CB2 way that the blandest homosexuals are supposed enjoy. Curbed got its hands on some renderings of the place. The facade looks like a giant TV set and the cruising grounds courtyard inside is of course filled with dapper men, because lesbians aren't really welcome at a gay hotel, are they?

Apparently the hotel will be open on 42nd Street and 10th Avenue to house gay European retirees with Elton John haircuts starting this summer, but the new XL club will be open shortly. Yes, there was such a huge demand for XL, the Chelsea mainstay that couldn't keep itself open past 2006, that Roxy promoter John Blair (yup, that closed too) is bringing it back. But don't worry, he's modernizing with the help of FornabioVoss Events, who throws the bridge and tunnel's favorite party, Club 57. Of course I'll find myself at some fundraiser here in the coming months, rolling my eyes the whole time.

Well, the rest of Manhattan has been tricked out into a playground for the tourists, I guess it's time time for the gays to get the same treatment. Yay, equality! If we're going to have to endure all of this, will someone at least construct a really nice bathhouse on Eleventh Avenue so the rest of us can go fuck some tourists and maybe a hot New Yorker or two? Steamworks, you listening?