Snowflakes Should Just Get Over ThemselvesS

Kid hormones! Chemical knot! Fish legs! Pigeon counting! Fluid dynamics! Elephant toes! Space station! Snowflake pictures! And a calendar reform motion, debated and denied! It's your Thursday Science Watch, where we watch science—unsuccessfully!

  • What's up with kids when they're like five? Some endocrine surge, also they're assholes.
  • Chloride ion... pentafoil chemical knot... "carbon"... damn it, just give it to me straight, man! Is it cancer? What do you mean "Did you even read the story?"
  • Girls are always making their Facebook photo them and a bunch of friends, instead of just them. It's not about that. It's about a new theory for where some fish became four legged creatures.
  • Let's lay the controversy to rest once and for all: pigeons can count things just like monkeys can. Are you happy now? Oh thank god. We thought your depression would never lift. Myrtle—come in here! It's happened at last!
  • When I say "fluid dynamics," you probably say, "Fuck off, Poindexter." But when I say "let's visualize fluid dynamics with the help of a two-horsepower blender, well, then you say "Please, let go of my hand, I'll do anything you ask."
  • Elephants have a sixth toe? Oh. Um. Okay? What do you want from me, honestly?
  • Wake me up when there's not somebody coming or going from a space station in a space rocket. At this point it's like, come on.
  • Would you like to see a gallery of snowflake photos? Son you really sound like a chump right now.
  • Is it time to overhaul the calendar so it matches the length of the Earth year more precisely? Let's not and say "Who dat who dat who dat who dat who dat who dat who, who dat who dat who dat trying to get up in my crew," to the tune of that JT Money song ("Who Dat").
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