All the Year-End Listicles We Didn't Get Around to Writing in 2011S

The year-end listicle is a stressful affair. It's important: You are defining a moment in history. It's hard: You have to remember stuff that happened twelve whole months ago, which is multiple millennia in internet years. Finally, it has a strict deadline: If you procrastinate, then the work you've done will be rendered completely irrelevant at the stroke of midnight on January 1st.

With that in mind, here are the year-end listicles Gawker failed to write in 2011, and why we failed to complete them:

  • The Year Reality Stars Committed Suicide: Armstrong, Durden. (Too depressing.)
  • The Year Reality Stars Destroyed Marriage: Hefner, Kardashian. (Too tiresome.)
  • The Year We Sent Conflicting Messages About Statutory Rape: Sandusky, Stodden. (Too icky.)
  • The Year the Revolution Was Tweeted: Egypt, Occupy. (Too New York Times-y.)
  • The Year Famous People Pooped: Huffington, Pagan. (Can't focus, too busy giggling.)
  • The Year Women Got Shot in the Head and Survived: Salander, Giffords. (Half of this list is fiction.)
  • The Year Lindsay Lohan Became a Career Criminal. (Too sad.)
  • The Year in Pepperspray. (Makes my eyes itchy.)
  • The Year in Kardashian Product Endorsements. (Too sick of typing "Kardashian.")
  • The Year Dumbasses Took Donald Trump Seriously. (Ugh.)
  • The Year Dumbasses Took an Imbecilic Pizza Man Seriously. (Ugh.)
  • The Year We Talked About Mormons: Romney, Huntsman, Broadway. (Been done.)
  • The Year We Consumed Books Below Our Reading Levels: Hunger Games, Twilight. (Too late?)
  • The Year We Realized How Dirty Our Fingers Are, Because of Touch Screens. (Too OCD.)
  • The Year of the Comedienne: Bridesmaids, Bossypants. (Too likely to force us to acknowledge Olivia Munn.)
  • The Year Everyone Had Complicated Feelings About Olivia Munn. (Too likely to force us to acknowledge Olivia Munn)
  • The Year in Paz de la Huerta Private Parts. (Too easy.)
  • The Year in Nepotism: Meghan, Chelsea, Chet, Jenna, Aliana, Russert. (Too many.)
  • The Year We Saw Politicians Naked: Weiner, Arango, Lee. (We should probably do this one, actually.)
  • The Year We Discovered Mozzarella Burata. (Too bourgeois.)

It's not too late: You can still write these listicles before midnight tomorrow! Feel free to do so in the comments, or for some publication willing to pay for such a thing. (Are publications still willing to pay for such a thing?) Don't worry, I won't tell on you for stealing. (I will totally tell on you for you stealing.)

[Images via Shutterstock]