Every Funny Headline Involving the Word 'Santorum'S

Santorum, as followers of politics know, is the Bible-thumping Republican underdog who tied Mitt Romney at last night's Iowa Caucus. Santorum is also, as users of Google and followers of Dan Savage know, a neologism for "the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex."

Here are headlines about the former that are much funnier when you imagine they are about the latter.

Santorum Breaks Out in Iowa
Santorum Runs Hard on Long Final Day
Neck and Neck: Romney Tops Santorum
Romney Tops Iowa, Santorum Surges
Santorum Links Black People, Public Aid Programs
SANTORUM STUNNER
Will Santorum Surge Travel?
Romney Pips Santorum
Poll Shows Santorum Trails Romney, Obama in Pa.
Santorum Surges With Low-Dollar Model (prostitute pegging story)
Why Santorum's Surge Could Be Sustained (guide to longer-lasting orgasms)
Why Evangelicals Coalesced Around Santorum
SANTORUM SURPRISE
After Santorum's Rise, a Test (of butt strength)
In Final Lap Santorum Comes From Behind (Catholic news source!)
Huntsman Heartened by Santorum's Rise
Santorum Bubbling Up Everywhere
Romney and Santorum Split the Spoils
Santorum Tests Chocolate Truffle Milk at Christmas Party
The Fallacy in Santorum (better if you skip second half of headline)
Santorum Surges, Paul Pushes, Perry Prays, Gingrich Cries (accurate depiction of each candidate's sex life)
Romney Ekes Past Santorum
Romney Turns Attention to Santorum
Gingrich: I'd Team Up with Santorum
Santorum Pushes Supporters to Keep Surge Alive

I have removed the word "Rick" from a few of these, to enhance the humor. If only he went by "Dick." And his middle initial was "N."

The best thing about the Santorum surge is that, even in Romney's best case scenario, he must still confront a "Romney Pushes Out Santorum" headline. Poor Mitt. If he wants Santorum out, he'll have to loosen up. [image via AP]