Man Swings His Nuts in Front of Packed Alvin and the Chipmunks Screening

Tooth-deficient Chicago cinefile Edward Brown got a little overenthused during a recent screening of odds-on Oscars favorite Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked. According to police, Brown, 34, disrobed and "paraded in front of the audience at the North Riverside Park Mall's Classic Cinema."

Brown then returned to his seat, where he sat, nakedly. Police arrived a short time later and evacuated children and parents from the theater, then ordered Brown to put his clothes back on and arrested him. He was charged with "sexual exploitation of a child and misdemeanor disorderly conduct."

We know what you're thinking: Why? Hang tight! It's coming.

Brown later told police that a woman had promised him crack and sex if he sat in the front row of the theater and took off his clothes, KTLA-TV reported.

The woman, universally hailed by 15-year-old boys worldwide as some kind of genius messiah, has not yet been located. [NY Daily News, Photo via Police Handout]