Men Can Be Raped Now, Too

For 85 years, the FBI has defined rape as the "carnal knowledge of a female forcibly and against her will." In all that time, no men have been raped. Now, thanks to rap music, homosexual marriage, and Jerry Sandusky, the FBI has gone and changed the definition—placing millions of American men in danger of rape.

The new provision will define rape as any kind of penetration of another person, regardless of gender, without the victim's consent.

I mean, can somebody explain this one to me? Rape—of a man? It just doesn't make sense. Rape—but the victim is a man? It just doesn't add up. Someone break this one down for me, will you? You were raped—but you're a man. I just don't get it, sorry. And can we talk about how they arrest hot teachers these days for sleeping with their 15 year-old male students? I tell you, when I was 15 I wouldn't have minded. Who's with me here? Men know what I'm talking about. And now there's some FBI guy saying yes, he was raped—and he's a man. Someone please put this into language I can understand, okay? It just does not compute. Rape—of a man. Boy, I tell you.

[USAT. Photo: Shutterstock]