Jay-Z and Beyoncé's Daughter Is Almost Definitely IlluminatiS

Why did Jay-Z and Beyoncé name their daughter Blue Ivy? Possibly because they are exceedingly wealthy celebrities for whom the act of procreation is chiefly an exercise in branding... or because "Blue Ivy" is a secret code revealing her membership in an ancient and all-powerful occult secret society. Which could it be??

The second one, right? Yes, definitely the second one. Lo, let us clue you in on the occult secrets behind the name "Blue Ivy," courtesy the well-respected and authoritative Twitter account "Katt Williams Parody":

Yep, that sounds legit to us. (Global Grind disagrees: "So GlobalGrind decided to look up EULB YVI, and to no one's surprise, the words EULB YVI don't exist in the Latin language - At ALL." Because the Illuminati removed them.)

But in case you're not convinced by Katt Williams Parody, or by the many videos on YouTube that corroborate the theory, Huffington Post provides an alternate explanation:

Linda Rosenkrankrantz, co-founder of Nameberry, adds that there was a jazz singer Ivy (aka Ivie) Anderson who sang with Duke Ellington. Do Beyonce and Jay-Z know her?

"Uncertain. But when I heard the name Blue I did think of Billie Holiday and Lady Sings the Blues," said Satran.

Yeahhhhhh. I dunno. Think I'm going with the Illuminati.