So you finally landed your dream job, spokeswoman for online brokerage site Ameritrade. Matt Damon provides the voiceover, and you provide the smiling face. You sit up straight. You follow your cues. This could be your big break. We'll animate Ameritrade's signature lily pad later, they tell you. Trust us. It's going to be cool.

Finally that sweet day comes, the day your ad debuts. Maybe you are watching it on TV. Maybe your mom is on the phone, squealing into your ear. Look, Mom, here comes the lily pad, 28 seconds in. Hey— what the—

Awkwardly Animated Ameritrade Logo Disappears into Spokeswoman's Vagina

Did I just shove that pad in my—? No— Nooooooooooo.