The Complete List of Golden Globes Winners and Other Assorted TragediesS

Tonight the winner of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association's Golden Globes were as obvious as they could possibly be. It was a collection of wacky cable television winners and all the expected Oscar favorites and big splashy celebrities from the movie world. And Ricky Gervais was so scary as the host. Here are all the victors.

All the bark about Ricky Gervais was way worse than his bite. The only target he really went after was Johnny Depp (who was game about it) and Kim Kardashian. Telling jokes about Kim Kardashian is kind of like saying Hilter is an awful person—they're both easy, everyone agrees with them, and they accomplish nothing but stating the obvious. But then hearing all the "Oh, isn't Ricky mean," talk from the celebs and Ricky himself made his neutered barbs seem that much more dull.

Yes, the Globes are a ceremony where everyone can be a bit looser, whether that's Madonna cracking wise about Gervais, William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman's silly little ditty, the amusing Modern Family bilingual acceptance speech, Jesse Tyler Fergusen and Tina Fey photobombing their seatmate's nomination shots, or Seth Rogen making boner jokes and poking fun of My Week with Marilyn (can we get this guy to host instead of Ricky next year?). When the most suspenseful part of the night is just what the hell is going to happen to Meryl Streep's glasses (David Fincher, you jerk, you better give them back) you know the awards are second only to the silly little bits that come in between.

But the awards themselves were dullsville. Do we need to lavish more accolades on Martin Scorsese, Woody Allen, George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Steven Spielberg, or Madonna (for a song this devoted fan will even tell you is mediocre)? No, we do not. Especially when they weren't as good as some of the other nominees.

As for the television trophies, there were some odd wins (Camille Grammer is so pissed about ex-husband Kelsey's win for Boss and announcement his new wife is expecting) but it was good to see some smaller known shows get some attention. And the only major broadcast network to snag a trophy was ABC for Modern Family. Looks like the golden age of cable is upon us.

Here's the list of winners.

Best Motion Picture, Drama
The Descendants

Best Motion Picture, Comedy
The Artist

Best Actress, Motion Picture Drama

Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady

Best Actor, Motion Picture Drama
George Clooney, The Descendants

Best Actress, Motion Picture Comedy or Musical
Michelle Williams, My Week with Marilyn

Best Actor, Motion Picture Comedy or Musical
Jean Dujardin The Artist

Best Supporting Actress Motion Picture
Octavia Spencer, The Help

Best Supporting Actor, Motion Picture
Christopher Plummer, Beginners

Best Director, Motion Picture
Matin Scorsese, Hugo

Best Screenplay, Motion Picture
Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris

Best Animated Feature Film
Adventures of Tintin

Foreign Language Film
A Separation

Best Original Score, Motion Picture
The Artist

Best Original Song, Motion Picture
"Masterpiece" by Madonna

Best TV Series, Drama
Homeland

Best TV Series, Comedy or Musical
Modern Family

Best Mini-Series or TV Movie
Downton Abbey

Best Actress, TV Series Drama
Claire Danes, Homeland

Best Actor, TV Drama
Kelsey Grammer, Boss

Best Actress, TV Comedy or Musical
Laura Dern, Enlightened

Best Actor, TV Comedy or Musical
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes

Best Actress, Mini-Series or TV Movie
Kate Winslet, Mildred Pierce

Best Actor, Miniseries or TV Movie
Stringer Bell, Luther

Best Supporting Actress in a Miniseries, TV Movie, or Series
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story

Best Supporting Actor in a Mini-Series, TV Movie, or Series
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones

[Image via Getty]