We Must All Mock This Hollywood Starlet for Wearing Toe Shoes to the Golden GlobesS

Of all the fashion don'ts in the world, the don't-iest of them all are those god awful toe shoe sneaker things that make your feet like like those of a cyborg ape. God, they are awful. Golden Globes nominee Shailene Woodley wore them on the red blue carpet last night. She should be shot.

Now, it's one thing if Danny Glover wears these on the blue carpet (what is it about blue carpets and awful toe shoes?) because he is an old man who doesn't care about fashion and it wasn't a major event and he's had a great solid career and will keep getting work. But Shailene Woodley? No one even knows who she is yet. Sure she was great in the wildly over-rated The Descendants, but one mistake like this could be career suicide.

Yes, she wore these to an afterparty for the Globes, not the event itself. For the Globes she wore a gorgeous white gown with some actual real big girl shoes. That is smart. Costume changes for the next party are fine, but, girl, you knew there were going to be cameras. Sure, your dress is long, but it is not that long and as soon as someone got a glimpse of those simian monstrosities peeking out from under the hem, it was over. Joan Rivers and the kids at Fashion Police are going to call you a "fash-hole" and they are completely justified. Even Giuliana Rancic will say they are ugly and Giuliana...just survived cancer so I can't say mean things about her yet, but you get where I'm going.

I will repeat: these shoes are never acceptable in public unless you are jogging or on your way to or from the gym (and if it is a gym full of other people, you should be OK with being mocked and stared at by everyone else trying to squeeze in a round of Reebok Crossfit™). So, Shailene Woodley, we must now all mock and tease you for wearing the favorite footwear of snarling cable news hippopotamus Keith Olbermann. Is this the company you want to be in, Shailene? Danny Glover and Keith Olbermann? Seriously?

Shailene, you're ugly and your stylist dresses you funny. Sure, you want to be comfortable, we get it, but wear a pair of flats. Wear a pair of Tom's. Wear a pair of goldenrod Haivainas, for fucks sake, but toe shoes? Don't ever do it again, or we're going to be forced to give all your roles to Anna Kendrick.

[Images via Getty]