Home Delivery of Fast Food Is the Inevitable Next Step

When the topic of "What America really needs" comes up, one answer inevitably surfaces as a common refrain: less labor-intensive access to fast food. Your dream may soon come true, America.

Angel newspaper USA Today reports that cow holocaust organ Burger King is "testing home delivery of its burgers, fries and other sandwiches," meaning that they will bring these items directly to the front door of your home in exchange for a modest delivery fee. Makes you wonder why this hasn't been tried before. Well, can you spot the problems here?

The stores try to deliver within 30 minutes of the time a phone or online order is received. Delivery customers must live within a 10-minute drive of the store. All soft-drink orders are in bottles. And breakfast items are not delivered. Delivery times are 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.

The plan is to get Americans to pay extra to wait 30 minutes to get food from a restaurant that is less than ten minutes away. In order for this to succeed, American fast food consumers would have to value their own physical laziness—to the extent of considering the walk from their couch to their car to be too strenuous—far more than they value either their own money, or their own addict-like craving for an immediate infusion of fat and cheez.

Should be a smashing success.

[USAT. Photo: Razor512/ Flickr]