How are your New Year's resolutions doing so far? That bad, huh? Well, I suggest you make a new resolution that's easy to keep: Promise to join us down in the comments as we all live-blog Top Chef here every Wednesday night. No dieting or exercise is required!
I am MisterHippity, your live blog host—although I'm thinking of changing that title to "circle jerk expediter" in honor of recently ousted Ty-Lör Boring, who uttered that phrase on his swansong episode last week. To get the jerk-expediting process started, here's a rundown of the steps required to participate in this live blog, for the benefit of any newcomers out there: 1. Find a comfortable spot with your television in view and an Internet-connected computing device handy. 2. Turn on the TV. (This is an important step! Do not forget this step!) 3. Watch tonight's episode of Top Chef (which starts at 10 pm Eastern on Bravo). 4. Join the rest of us as we post hi-larious quips about the show in the comments section below this post.
Your quips don't have to be hi-larious, actually—low-larious comments are OK too. For a sampling of some of the highest and lowest ‘larity from last week, check out this this selection of my favorite comments from our last live blog. Other highlights and lowlights from last week included these:
- Commenter The_Obvious invented this emoticon representing judge Hugh Acheson's unibrowed face: |: ) I guess you could call it a "hughmoticon"?
- After the "Restaurant Wars" teams chose typically terrible names for their restaurants—such as "Half Bushel"—many of us amused ourselves by inventing our own bad restaurant names. Examples included "Fellatio Fish" (from commenter miltonista), "Hog Trough" (from cletör) and "Yes, I'm Pretty Sure That's Not a Hair" (from GoOnWithoutMe ).
- Commenter Lizawithazee discussed the many substances she's been smoking recently. No, not that kind of smoking … this kind!
- When the judges ended the episode by kicking Ty-Lör's (NSFW) furry butt out the door, commenter GeorgesDuRoy bemoaned his departure with a fitting cry of "Nööööööö!"
OK, before we get tonight's circle jerk o' chat under way, here's a glimpse of what's in store on the upcoming episode:
- During the quickfire challenge, Paul Qui will say: "I don't know why I picked bitter melon. No matter how you prepare it, it still tates a little bit bitter." Who would ever have guessed such a thing about a food called "bitter melon"?
- A bucket of lobster claws will repeatedly appear on a conveyer belt and, like Captain Ahab chasing his white whale, Chris will keep trying and failing to catch them before they disappear again. This sequence was so funny to watch on the preview clip, it was almost enough to make me stop regretting that Chris hasn't been eliminated yet.
- Guest judge Charlize Theron will repeatedly plug a probably-sucky "Snow White" movie that isn't scheduled to open until June 1. It's kind of sad that this film's promoters think we'll remember anything we saw on this Top Chef season by the time June 1 rolls around, isn't it?
Anyway, the important thing for us all to remember is to start live-blogging when the show starts. In fact, it's almost 10 pm—time to head down to the comments and keep that resolution you made five minutes ago. You'll feel some much better when you do!