Hi Gawker,

Caity Weaver here. I'm really excited to take a break from spending my nights streaming Visually-striking Gritty Suspenseful Movies on Netflix to tell you all some bedtime stories. If my name looks familiar but you're not my Mom (that's your business), my best guess is that you've seen my stuff on The Hairpin, where recently I've taken a good hard look at U.S. state quarters, offered advice on which historical figures would make the best boyfriends, and invited everyone to watch Barefoot Contessa through the dark prism of mental illness. I also sent out a few Christmas cards this year that never reached their intended recipients, so maybe you got one by mistake? If so, please forward.

I currently reside in Philadelphia, where the mayor's tough love style helps to keep me in line. And I'm cool with you being mean to me as long as you remember to keep the laughter in slaughter.

I'm glad we had this talk,