Your Google Pseudonym Must Be Approved in Google CourtS

The anxious cyborgs who rule Google have decreed, after much controversy and deliberation, that they will alllow people to register accounts that do not match their official hu-man names. All you need to do to obtain a pseudonym is to furnish a printed "offline" news article, government document, popular Twitter account and three (3) types of bodily fluid.

We're kidding, but only about the bodily fluids: Google has announced that people who want to use pseudonyms on their accounts, who aren't famous enough to get sucked up to by Google like Madonna and 50 Cent, may apply to a sort of shadow Google Court for the right to use a pseudonym across Google Plus, Gmail and other services. An anonymous Google Judge will then "review the information and typically get back to you within a few days. We may also ask for further information." The Google Judge will review the pertinent Google Evidence, including but not limited to

- References to an established identity offline in print media, news articles, etc
- Scanned official documentation, such as a driver's license
- Proof of an established identity online with a meaningful following

It's funny how print retains its weird psychological power over electronic media, even in Google Court. Oh, well: Time to start writing letters to the local Penny Saver, pseudonymous Google Plus hopefuls!