The day is waning. My fingers are tired. Is there any way left for me to artificially pump web traffic to my posts, so I can vanquish Brian Moylan in the Great Gawker Traffic Whoring Contest of 2012? What compelling image could I possibly acquire that would generate more interest than Juliette Lewis' doppelganger in a hardcore sex pose with Terry Richardson? Long is the hour of my desperation. Deep is my desire to win.

Traffic whoring: It changes you.

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[Image of Rick Santorum shooting a pheasant cock (that's what male pheasants are called) via the Associated Press]