Cannibal Axe Murderer Wants to Ruin Oysters for You


Don't read this if you're really hungover, or are easily grossed out, or want to eat oysters ever again. I've never really cared for them which is why I'm comfortable writing this. OK, warning over.

The Huffington Post picked up on this completely stomach-turning story out of Connecticut. Last Tuesday, Tyree Lincoln Smith was arrested for the brutal murder of Angel "Tun Tun" Gonzalez, a man whose fatal flaw was being too nice.

[Smith] allegedly said he was sleeping on a porch of an abandoned apartment building when Gonzalez, a man he apparently did not know, woke him up and invited him in out of the cold. After entering the building, Smith allegedly attacked Gonzalez with an axe, police said.

That's depressing — but then things just get really gross. Smith hit his victim so hard that he was actually able to dislodge bits of brain and eyeball from his skull. (Seriously, feel free to stop reading any time.) You can probably already guess what he did next.

Afterward, Smith allegedly took the organs to Lakeview Cemetery, where a relative of his is buried.

"At the cemetery he said he ate the eyeball, which tasted like an oyster, and the brain matter," according to the warrant.

"Which tasted like oyster." I don't know why that detail was included, but I do know that it will haunt me for the rest of my days — whenever I see a tray of raw shellfish or hear about an extravagant seafood dinner. I'm just glad we don't know what the other parts tasted like, because who knows how many more foods this story could damage irreparably.

Just as a reminder: while oysters are definitely not kosher, eyeballs and other human meat are not expressly forbidden. So there's that.

[Image via Shutterstock]