If the First Lady Spent $50,000 on Lingerie, That Would Be a Lot of Lingerie

A new week, a new bizarre story about Michelle Obama on the Drudge Report: "PAPER: Michelle Obama's shopping spree at luxury lingerie shop boosts sales..." The paper in question is the Sunday Telegraph, which declares that the first lady "has risked the wrath of cash-strapped Americans by indulging in a $50,000 shopping spree at Agent Provocateur." Is that, like, a million bras? Or what?

To be clear: Michelle Obama did not spend $50,000 on lingerie. The Telegraph doesn't cite a source, and the White House says the report is 100% false; the claim is probably the result of some unholy publicity stunt — a publicist whispering to a reporter about his or her client's high-profile shoppers — combined with a Drudge-savvy headline writer (intentionally) confusing the first lady with the Queen of Qatar, who also makes an appearance in the article.

But we're way more interested in figuring out how much $50,000 even buys you in expensive lingerie inspired by "softly glowing scenes from erotic films, such as Emmanuelle and The Story of O." As it turns out, you have to buy basically their entire web stock (not including bathing suits, sunglasses, luggage or other accessories). That's:

45 bras $7,180

83 "knickers" $11,260

35 suspenders, waspies and garters $6,320

13 corsets, basques and playsuits $7,270

17 kimonos, gowns and slips $17,090

And even that (every available piece of lingerie in the store) only runs you to a total of $49,120. It's okay; toss in a couple accessories — these $710 crystal cuffs, say, and the $660 leather whip — and you're bumped right up to an extremely erotic $50,490.

So there you go: $50,000 of lingerie is enough to last you something like three (very sexy) months celebrating "the soft-focus sensuality of the Seventies." Seems like a decent way to spend money.